Monday, June 20, 2011


Give someone you love a hug, and then really FEEL their life-warmth and strong arms wrapped tightly around you. I miss that. So very much, I ache.
I miss washing dishes or standing at the stove cooking and feeling a tender gentle surprise kiss on the back of my neck from my husband.
I miss telling him it's way way way past time to pullover and ask for directions!
I miss his little yellow sticky love notes on the coffee pot that he never ever once failed to leave for me when he had an early flight check-in.
When I was on a layover and called home, I miss hearing him answer the phone, "Hi, Beautiful!! Hope you've had a great day!! Rocky and I miss you bunches!!"
I miss coming home from a 3-day work trip and being very happily greeted home with a huge hug from a happy husband, a frolicking yipping puppy, and having my luggage toted to the bedroom, the shower prepped and ready to go. Everything perfect and in it's place. All was well. Life was so good. Loved coming home; the best part of any trip.
I miss grocery shopping with him. We always went together. And if I mentioned that I liked something, he always bought 25 of them!!
I miss looking outside of our back windows and watching his muscles work as he scooped leaves out of the pool, everyday!! He had such a great physique! Was so very healthy and strong. I always knew God chose well for me.
I actually miss his dumb jokes that I heard 10,000 times, or more! Would give anything to hear just ONE from him now.
I miss always finding "mysteriously" sharpened knives in the kitchen drawers.
I miss how he emptied the wastebaskets and took out the trash every single day and I never ever once asked him to.
I miss how he would always wait to sit at the table until he could pull out my chair, even when all I had cooked for lunch was just dumb grilled cheese sandwiches, or peanut butter and jelly. He appreciated the littlest things.
I miss thinking how nuts he was because his side of the bathroom counter (including his closet and dresser drawers) was so neat with everything aligned in alphabetical order! And every spot that was mine was a total mess that probably drove him crazy, BUT he never said one word about it.
I miss watching reruns of "Darma and Greg" with him.
I miss hearing him introduce me to anyone new as "My lovely and gracious wife, Carleen".
I miss how he'd call me after EVERY landing to let me know he had arrived safely, loved me and would be home on schedule.
I miss how he'd secretly check my fuel gauge in my car and then make up some weird crazy reason to drive the van for something, and it would always come back with a tankful of gas, a detailed carwash, and oil change.
I miss how when I'd see his headlights arriving in our driveway after a trip and I'd announce to Rocky that "Whoopee, Daddy's home!!" he'd be barking crazily with glee, almost as excited as I was.
I really miss Paul. I really miss Paul. I really miss Paul. Every conscious moment. I wish all women could have a husband like Paul. He was more than incredible. He was a perfect gift from God.



  1. Carleen, just breathe, that's all you can do right now, just take the next breath. Thinking of you.

  2. May one day all your tears of sadness turn into tears of joy and happy mememories. When my first husband passed away I heard the song I could have missed the pain but I would have missed the dance by George Strait...that was pretty much it for me. Take one day at a time...take care.